Happy - A Short Story

I can remember the drive, at least, and how long it used to take. The long bumpy roads, with the dormant green plains curving in the background. I always did like the ride though, I thought about things. And all of those things continued to think about me too. But, It was so long ago, far too long for my mind to recall, but my heart remembers.

The heart always remembers.

Straining my eyes, I was tired. I always seemed unbearably tired these days. Continuing to drive forward, the same grassy plains lying ahead of me in the distance. They were strange to me now, changed beyond my comprehension. The idea of this place that lingered in thoughts was gone. Maybe I've changed since then? I did have a family after all. Something you and I dreamed of having one day, but simply ran out of time. The passenger seat felt empty without you in it. Your warm rose scented perfume, the flowing golden hair, with murky and black eye-shadow. You were always looking out of the window.

Where were you looking?

You were never looking at me.

It was raining on this particular evening, something that was not unusual. A piece of nature I had grown quite accustomed too. Yawning, my eyes continued to be drawn to every detail of the road in front of me. Every turned over rock in the road, every slight curve in the street. This was everything. Ideas were slowly being drawn from my comatose brain, that felt like it was finally waking from an involuntary hibernation.

I was asleep for so long.

Was I finally awake now?

Twisting the steering wheel, I escaped my memories but only briefly. The first place we locked lips. I smiled an old smile, and thought of how brave we were. We put it all on the line, but who acted first.

Was it your heart?

Or mine? Did it matter, I thought I was fine?

The dying sun directed my path, as the light of the day was slowly lost into the overwhelming darkness of the night followed by black rain. Your glowing smile no longer there to show me the way. I had to guide myself now. When you left me I had to guide myself for awhile. But don’t worry I found it, my way I mean. See, the fact is, I was never truly lost. But I always thought you were home.

Fast forward, I’m there now. I’ve never been here before, at least, not by myself. My heart pounds my chest, my hands sweat and shiver, and I swallow the heavy knot in my throat tightly. Stepping out of the car, one nervous foot after another, I pace around the empty hole.

Why weren’t you there?

You were always there.

I stop waiting, and rush over to wherever my memories took me. The place where you left me. The place where you left us. I really was alone this time.

I fall to my knees, as I stood in front of the past, it was looking back on me. Glaring at me. Cutting me down with it’s sharp blade called Time. There wasn’t enough left to slice. So it went after all of the debt.

How would it see me?

How would you see me.

I stop, blocking the memories from my conscious mind. Images of warm summer nights by the lake cloud my thinking, consuming my heart. Pictures of family and friends laughing, lingering around my head.

I threw it all away.

I didn’t mean to throw it all away.

Reaching forward, I begin to speak. Something I haven’t done in a while.

“Hey,” I started, whispering through all my years of pain, my voice soft and frail. “I brought you something,” I add, staring back at the history in front of me. The rain responded, with a bright flash of lightning in the distance, followed swiftly by it’s bold thunder. Drops from the clouds continued to pour down, flooding the dirt and mud around my feet. Nonetheless, I continued to focus.

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to like it,” I guessed, shaking more, and rubbing my bald head. My voice was strange to you now. I was younger back then. I didn’t know much back then.

You didn’t know either.

How could you have known?

The single rose that I have gifted sat there like a monument to my pain. It was welted and scarred, not unlike you or me. But a promise is a promise. Even if you never delivered on yours.

But there was still time left.

There was still time to make another promise. Maybe a new one?

Mere moments passed as the rose rested on the wet stone, it’s luscious red hue beginning to bleed and spill out into the surrounding jade colored grass. It was the last rose left.

Was this a mistake?

I was happy, or at least that’s what I told myself. I waited all of these years. All this time to hopefully see you. But you weren’t there. I still don’t know why. Another crack of nature's thunderous whip shook me to my core.

Time was running out.

And so, I smile a curious grin.

“I brought you something else,” I whispered, slowly pushing my brittle aged bones upwards, and stood as straight as I could. It was a puzzle piece. You know, to the one we never finished? I lost the rest of it. Or maybe, I gave it away. I gave the rest of you away. Setting it on top of the gray stone, I rest it next to your name. You couldn’t read it now anyway. With years passing, it’s not the same name I remember. Not that I remembered much these days.

But I remember you.

I could never forget you.

Turning around, I freeze, because another set of headlights begin to barrel down the same path. No one knew about this place but me. Well, there was one other person. But how could that be?

It was nighttime and the rain streamed down my face. I couldn’t see anything, I could only hear the powerful wheels rip through the mud. The headlights slow down, and the truck comes to an abrupt halt. I stared back in fear at the round yellow lights, stopping just a few feet ahead of me. Suddenly, I hear the soft clicking of a door opening.

Someone was coming.

Could it be?

The soft blonde hair, the murky eye shadow. My mind was playing tricks on me, it had to be. Still in shadow, I could feel the figure staring back at me.

“You’re here,” The soft voice said from just beyond the darkness.

“I brought you something,” The voice whispered back at me. Lifting it’s hand was a tiny sliver puzzle piece, one that could only match mine. It can't be.

Staggering forward, I inched towards the raised hand, and reached out, touching the puzzle piece. The closer I got to the figure, the more I remembered.

The rose scent.

The Long summer nights.

A Bright smile. It really was you.

Placing my hand on the piece, I held it in my sweaty palms.

You never forgot. I was strange to you now, but you never forgot. The rain and world around us seem to freeze for an everlasting moment. And in that halt of time, I was happy. I could have lived in that second for the rest of my days and would have never been troubled again. Even if it was my last moment of time, a final breath, nothing was better than where I was at right now.

Is this how you felt?

Or did you need more time?

Looking back up towards the figure in shadow, they were gone. I desperately searched, as my frozen moment came to an end. The heavy black rain clouded my vision, and a powerful glare of lightning struck the ground below me, swallowing me whole. It didn’t hurt. I didn’t feel much anyway.

You were gone.

And now, so was I.

Gripping the steering wheel, I shook myself back awake, and tried to focus on the long winding road ahead of me. The dying sun out of view, casting an orange glow just towards a sea of black stars. The darkness had swallowed the light whole. And even though the sun would rise again tomorrow, for now, darkness had taken over. But for how long would this day last?

It was only a dream. Or maybe a nightmare of the past. I didn’t know the difference anymore. I wasn’t sure there was a difference anymore. My life would never flash before my eyes, just blur into the present with a black and orange glow.

But I was happy now.

At least that’s what I told myself.